“The main characteristic of the suppressed or denied self, is the complete invisibility to you and the complete visibility to other people”
What does it mean to be triggered by another?
What is it about another’s behaviour that affects you so much?
Could it be an aspect of your deep subconscious self that you’ve denied, rejected and suppressed?
In this day and age I’m sure you’ve all heard of the term projection.
But what does it mean?
Is it as simple as the saying ‘the pot calling the kettle black’?
One definition I read is; that psychological projection is a defence mechanism in which the human ego defends itself against unconscious impulses or qualities by denying their existence in themselves while attributing them to others.
For example, a person who is habitually rude may constantly accuse other people of being rude.
What causes us to do this?
I believe we are born whole, but that wholeness is short lived.
As we are vulnerably dependant on the adults surrounding us, we learn very quickly that certain aspects of ourselves are acceptable and certain aspects are unacceptable.
So as a means of survival we do everything we can to be accepted by our caregivers, even if that means suppressing and denying those aspects of ourselves that cause disapproval.
This in turn creates a fragmentation or a spilt within ourselves.
So that self preservation instinct is our first act of rejecting ourselves.
All of us are products of socialisation and conditioning, so hence we are ALL fragmented to some degree.
This is what breeds shame, depression and self-hatred.
The emptiness we feel is the result of the disowned parts of ourselves and our soul is motivated to one thing - to make us whole again.
The external world then becomes the substitute for what we are missing internally.
However the person we attract may seem like the complete opposite to us, this is because that part of ourselves is still within our energy vibration.
Those closest to us; our children, our intimate partners, closest friends all tend to be our opposing mirrors.
They reflect the attributes we suppressed and we reflect that aspect they suppressed.
This is the essence of projection.
We are deeply triggered when it is presented to us by another, so we tend to reject it, suppress it, avoid it or get rid of it!
However projection or triggering is NOT a personality flaw, it is an amazing opportunity to dive deeper into our quest for authenticity and wholeness.
How do we do this?
Firstly by ceasing to say to people “you are just projecting onto me”, as this is in fact avoidance in looking at yourself clearly. Whatever you see in others is yours to look at.
We are never going to get to a place of self awareness if we are constantly deflecting.
You cannot see someone clearly or objectively unless you are completely conscious of yourself. If you aren’t, you will continue to see everyone through the filter of your own subconscious mind.
We ALL project!
It’s not about stopping projection, but to become aware of what triggers you emotionally and to use it to look deeper into yourself.
So when we are triggered by our children, for example for not picking up their belongings or just generally being messy (which happens in our household quite often) we are projecting onto them our own tendency to be disorganised or messy which wasn’t perhaps accepted when we were children through living with a perfectionist house proud parent. I laugh at myself about it now with my son, as my room is pretty much as messy as his!
The more we reject something in someone else, the more we perpetuate our own wounding. Because rejecting or disapproving of that trait in them we are actually continuing to reject and disapprove of that aspect within ourselves.
We need to allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to look deeply and feel into the discomfort that comes from truly being honest with ourselves.
Children are the greatest teachers in projecting.
They don’t do what we say, they do what we do.
As parents and adults surrounding children, we need to have the humility to understand what they are actually gifting us.
I continually hear “my child never listens to me” but what I actually observe is that the child is not being listened to by the parent.
To be able to truly treat others how you want to be treated is to first know yourself on the deepest level. When your energy field is clear of blocks by continued healing and self reflection, you only attract those others who are a deep reflection of that wholeness.
Always remember, what triggers you is yours to heal!
I have and am continually healing whatever comes up for me to allow a sense of spaciousness, so I can be of greater service to my clients.
Ultimately I'm doing nothing more than creating space to be an open channel for universal consciousness to work through me and lead my clients back toward greater balance, harmony and complete connection to their vital source of wellbeing.